I have found inspiration in my thoughts and experiences for a considerable amount of time. The constant exploration of my emotions can often feel overwhelming. In the series "Just Birds," I find a way to alleviate the weight of my emotions by shifting my focus to nature, particularly birds. Birds serve as a means for me to escape from my own self and the worries that accompany it.

"Backbone" is a collection of video performances, multichannel installations, and documentation about my relationship with my father, and his death in December 2020 in Lebanon. After a long and heavy battle with COVID19, my father surrendered and left us at the age of sixty-three. His passing was like an earthquake that shook my reality and left me broken.

My father, Melhem, was a traditional man that worked tirelessly to provide for his family. For many years, until his death, he worked every day in his shop in Aley, Mount Lebanon. Melhem was a man of faith and very respected in his town, he was also strict with his children and required a lot of attention. He was kind towards his family and friends, and loved them fiercely, but hid his feelings way beneath his tough exterior. My father was noticeably very proud of my only and eldest brother, Hassan. Hassan got married, had a child, and took over the family business.

How could I have told him who I was? I already looked different, I wore tight clothes and had non-traditional artistic hobbies. I was soft and sensitive and kept my sexuality hidden in a tightly sealed closet. Melhem always associated my lifestyle and looks with an artist's way of life. He was not interested in my art, but he cared about me and supported me financially in my endeavors.

I was always striving to make him proud, as proud he was of my older brother. I wanted to prove him wrong and succeed as an artist. This thought process, along with my persistence and my stubborn nature, are the reasons why I am an artist today and will continue on this journey. I am grateful to my father for this challenge, and it's one of the many reasons why I love him.

"Backbone" is an explosion of grief and other unprocessed emotions stemming from my childhood into my adult years. With this exhibition, I open up my world and depict the story of a gay Arab boy and his conservative father.

"Backbone" is in memory of Melhem Khaddaj.

Lost & Found is a series of paintings depicting a period in my life where I lost everything familiar to me - an inevitable detachment.

2020, a year of change for so many, was also a year of life-changing eruptions for me: pillars of my life fell one after another just like domino stones. In August, the Beirut Blast destroyed major parts of a city I called home for many years and a city I still feel very connected to. An explosion in my personal life followed shortly after. After six years my relationship ended, which meant not only the loss of my partner but also the disappearance of a shared home in Leipzig.

A move to Berlin that was supposed to bring change and a fresh start, was hit with disappointment when newly imposed Corona regulations forced the cancellation of four planned art exhibitions. In December 2020 the global pandemic suddenly became a very personal and life-changing ordeal: my father lost his life to the virus.

Lost & Found is the attempt to find "myself" again after these seemingly unbearable events. It is a reflection of a never-ending healing process infused with inspiration coming from my new home, Berlin.

The eleventh of May 2021 was a day like any other day. The lockdown continued in Berlin, but this time, the sun was shining brightly, and its warmth filled my small studio home.

An extraordinary feeling of gratitude filled my heart that day. It was the first time I felt feelings of hope and relief so close to me after all these dark times provoked by the frightful pandemic.

COVID19's impact on my life was massive. Aside from the general restrictions that the world faced, my life's pillars fell one after another like domino stones. The Beirut blast was the beginning, and as a Lebanese immigrant, I felt hopeless. I lost the gallery that represents me, while some of my friends and countless others lost their homes. Beirut died in front of the world's eyes.

Two weeks after the explosion in Beirut, another was in the making: my six-year marriage came to an end. I lost our shared home, my husband, his family, and Leipzig, the city I lived in for five years, all in one day! I found myself moving to Berlin and leaving behind a city, a home, and a bundle of memories that changed my life forever.

I am okay! My comfortable new home in Berlin provided me with some much-needed relief. A fresh start in a new city was all that I needed, but what came after shook my grounds again! My four art exhibitions got canceled one after another. I still tried to be positive, but this all ended when my father lost the battle with Corona in December 2020.

After all these unfortunate and seemingly unbearable events, I found the healing process was slow and exhausting, but I persevered and I am proud of myself!

"Alhamdulillah" is an experimental performative film that depicts the human nature of adapting. It is the act of feeling grateful regardless of what happens. The film is documentation of a day when I realized that hope is inevitable.

What if thoughts were visible? How would that alter the way we look at each other? "Visible Thoughts" is a series of paintings depicting the visualization of one's thoughts in a set of various situations. I dig into the imagination of myself and others trying to find suitable colors and shapes merging to form a new vision of a human being. The vision is much deeper than skin and flesh. It penetrates the complexity of the soul sinking into the harmony of instinct clashing with the chaotic human habits and smashing into the intricate web of awareness.

"Today Olives, Tomorrow Olives, Everyday Olives" is a series of 1-minute daily art performances throughout March 2020 depicting my life as an artist. They coincidently overlapped with the lockdown during Covid 19 spread which inspired some acts. The videos were posted daily on my Instagram account.

“Lützner Street 7” is a collection of paintings depicting my interpretation of various physical and emotional bonds between individuals. It is an analysis that swings between objective external observations and internal perspectives from myself, as a member of the community I live in.

After moving to Leipzig, Germany, I began to recognise different forms of community and individual relationships. Coming from Lebanon and making a fast shift to a western community was not easy. The ideologies and formalities were new. Some social aspects I had appreciated in a Middle Eastern society do not exist here. The quest for embracing change and harvesting positive characteristics of people’s connections was the captivating premise that inspired this collection.

“Lützner Street 7” is a hybrid of human touch and emotion. It is the byproduct of characteristics forming and deforming human relations. The works are an invasion on what was foreign and what is still shared. They are the translation of sentiments such as love, hope, ambition, enjoyment, unity, understanding and acceptance.

I live on “Lützner Street 7”. It is where eighteen people came together and defeating all odds, merged into one family. This exhibition is a tribute to all the good mornings and the good nights. It is a tribute to Home and all the beautiful people founding it.

'In the Planet Where We Met' unites the practices of two internationally exhibiting artists from Peru and Lebanon. It consists of a series of collaborative video performances filmed shortly after Ingrid Pumayalla and Mazen Khaddaj got to know each other in Germany.

The series highlights their process of familiarization with each other. Through shared, unscripted, live interactions, the exploration and cooperation of their commonalities and differences unfold to reveal the capacity of humans to trust.

Their ongoing collaboration intends to poetically address immigration, cultural issues, and emotions close to them individually as well as pressing issues in our society. The series continually develops as the artists will record new performances in every place that the multi-channel installation 'In the Planet Where We Met' is exhibited.

Written by Lavínia D. Freitas

“The Laundry Room” is a video installation at The MUSEUM DER BILDENDEN KÜNSTE signifying the outcome of my recent journey to discover my spiritual identity.  After three years of living in Leipzig, Germany, I started shifting and reshaping my beliefs; perhaps I saw this as a way to fit in faster. Eventually, an explosion of spiritual awakening hit me, and along with it came my creations. I became captivated by consciousness and the soul; it was stimulating for me to study my thoughts on the infinite possibilities and mystical mythologies of these notions.

“The Laundry Room” represents the traveling of my soul from one state to another carrying thoughts and experiences imprinted in my consciousness. It is a vessel holding my memories and patterns from the beginning of my being to the very endlessness. Stain-by-Stain my self and selflessness­ are created, some is washed way and others are as permanent as permanent can be.

I invite you to invade the boundless core of my existence within the restricted walls of this massive elevator! Have a nice journey!

“I End to Begin” is a series of paintings and video performances expressing Mazen Khaddaj’s latest spiritual experiences. 

After three years of living in Leipzig, Germany, he started shifting and reshaping his beliefs; perhaps he saw this as a way to fit in faster.  Eventually, an explosion of spiritual awakening hit him, and along with it came his creations. Khaddaj became captivated by consciousness and the soul; it was so interesting for him to study his thoughts on the infinite possibilities and mystical mythologies of these notions.

 The artist believes that his Druse background was a starting point for the idea and inspiration for this series. The concept of reincarnation was like a window opening new dimensions for his body, mind, and soul to travel through.

 “The Pentagon” video installation includes five video performances depicting the fight between different traditions, cultures, and religions. This is the struggle of forming an identity and a belief system that feels like him wherever he lives, whether it is in Germany or in Lebanon.

 “I End to Begin” is a quest for unanswered questions and an attempt to work through a wavering identity. One adventure after another, Khaddaj’s curiosity multiplies and possibilities arise. 

“I am a Foreigner” is a series of paintings and video performances that express my journey from Lebanon to Germany. They depict my feelings between attachment and detachment. It also portrays my disoriented emotions that sway my existence between my homeland and my new life here in Leipzig.

It is tough to “be” in a setting where I am also dissimilar. With every painting or performance, I root myself in this new soil. I want to continue here what I was before.

“I am a Foreigner” is the extensions and the delays; it is the shouts and the whispers. It is what was and what will be.

I trust my way, step by step. My faith grounds me and my hope lifts me high.

I am walking...

New forms of collectivity began to emerge as I glided through a world of dimmed colors and swaying blurry figures. each figure is a story and each gathering a statement written by multiple bodies, forming and reforming themselves singularly and in groups. i did not see any faces but i absorbed the gestures and signals that each one emitted. these collective movements and individuals expressions became the basis of my work.

The concept of these works mirrors the mixed feelings that Lebanese people have towards their recent state. It is a war between extremes. In this exhibition I showcases these extremes leaving you to figure out your own middle state and draw your own red line, and it does not have to be red!